The Most Interesting Person in the World

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Last weekend I spent some time with someone you wouldn’t think was much of a thinker just by spending time with him, but it turns out he is, and he said some pretty insightful things. He’s single, and one comment he made was, “If anybody’s going to have a bachelor party, it should be me.” After all, now is the perfect time for him to get drunk and look at naked people or whatever. The time when he is engaged and in love (well, hopefully those two will be connected) and about to get married–that is NOT the time to go to a strip club.

Another comment he made was that our society’s obsession with sex isn’t even about sex at all. Now that comment didn’t make sense to me until this weekend, when I attended a bachelorette party at a strip club.

One thing I noticed is that, despite all the hype from the ladies on the bus about seeing… male anatomy, barely any was to be had. The lap dancers quickly removed their pants, did a little dance, and put their pants back on and walked away, all the while keeping their underwear on, or merely tugging at it once in a while. Now it might be the case that a man’s body is inherently not as pretty to look at as a woman’s, but still. This just isn’t fair. If female strippers have to bear all, then men should too, ugly bodies or not.

Another thing is the look of these guys. Imagine walking into a room full of Ken dolls. They have some kind of sheen on their skin. I imagine Frankenfurter would be pleased, but to me it just looks fake. As fake as the smiles plastered onto their faces, faces glazed over as they hide thoughts of Bermuda or sports or men or wherever these men actually are, because it’s certainly not here, with all these groups of women, showing off their bodies as if it were some external accessory.

It must be so hard for strippers and prostitutes to be in relationships. Making love feels like work. I bet they can only dates other strippers and prostitutes. They want someone they can go home to and just cuddle.

Which reminds me of the original point I was making. My friend’s observation about this culture. Now it might be different for a women’s strip club, but the experience I had with the shiny, happy men was that the audience was there more for the novelty of being in a strip club than actually being turned on. They were there to fill a void, or to say they’ve been to a strip club, or, for the majority of these women, because they were at bachelorette parties. And in a group of your friends, it’s very awkward to be turned on. In fact, one woman actually was having a good time, and a friend of hers took photographic evidence of that, which now could very well be on the Internet for all the world to see… so not cool.

So my conclusion: Strip clubs — not the place for sexiness. If you’re feeling a void that you think a strip club can solve, you’re in need of love, my friend. And, if you have love, don’t go to a strip club. Come to an improv class.

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