The Most Interesting Person in the World

Archive for May 2011

Why can’t I keep a cockroach as a pet?

It’s too bad that I can’t communicate with them. Otherwise we could have a great thing going. I would level with tiny-but-huge friend. I would say, “Look dude, we both have a lot in common. We both love this apartment*. And we both share a lifestyle conducive to leaving crumbs on the floor. Also, we both oppose the concept of you leaving droppings on the floor. Okay, maybe it’s just me who opposes that, but I feel it strongly enough for the two of us. And like a secret love affair, I want to keep you hidden from family and friends. So let’s make a deal. Spend you free time in clean areas and stay away from bacteria. This is for your own good, too. And late at night, when it’s dark and you know I’m sleeping, and nobody else is around, come out from hiding and eat all the crumbs on my floor. Hey, I’ll even throw in non-food items, like paper scraps and threads. You can eat that stuff too, no charge. Also hair and moth balls and dust. I am like the best pet-owner ever. But the rest of the time, you gotta stay hidden. If you break that rule, one of my friends very likely will kill you, and I can’t do much to stop them cause you breached our contract. And once I get over the heartbreak, I will probably just find an ant to replace you.”

*Not that I currently have any cockroaches, but if I were to find one, that is what I would assume. Cause I sure love this apartment, so why shouldn’t an animal?

Poem #24

Posted on: May 11, 2011

The crescendo rises on the rock song I sing along with,

As I whiff a man’s cologne

And cuddle with more muscles than I feel comfortable with

Yet I am comfortable.

I think about sitting alone on my pagoda in Hawaii

While I watch the sun set on Lake Simcoe

And imagine the sun setting over Kensington Market.

I am advised to look in a mirror and

“Fall in love all over again!”

It is so warm right now —

I just might


Categories