The Most Interesting Person in the World

Field Trip to the Strip Club

Posted on: June 21, 2010

Last weekend I spent some time with someone you wouldn’t think was much of a thinker just by spending time with him, but it turns out he is, and he said some pretty insightful things. He’s single, and one comment he made was, “If anybody’s going to have a bachelor party, it should be me.” After all, now is the perfect time for him to get drunk and look at naked people or whatever. The time when he is engaged and in love (well, hopefully those two will be connected) and about to get married–that is NOT the time to go to a strip club.

Another comment he made was that our society’s obsession with sex isn’t even about sex at all. Now that comment didn’t make sense to me until this weekend, when I attended a bachelorette party at a strip club.

One thing I noticed is that, despite all the hype from the ladies on the bus about seeing… male anatomy, barely any was to be had. The lap dancers quickly removed their pants, did a little dance, and put their pants back on and walked away, all the while keeping their underwear on, or merely tugging at it once in a while. Now it might be the case that a man’s body is inherently not as pretty to look at as a woman’s, but still. This just isn’t fair. If female strippers have to bear all, then men should too, ugly bodies or not.

Another thing is the look of these guys. Imagine walking into a room full of Ken dolls. They have some kind of sheen on their skin. I imagine Frankenfurter would be pleased, but to me it just looks fake. As fake as the smiles plastered onto their faces, faces glazed over as they hide thoughts of Bermuda or sports or men or wherever these men actually are, because it’s certainly not here, with all these groups of women, showing off their bodies as if it were some external accessory.

It must be so hard for strippers and prostitutes to be in relationships. Making love feels like work. I bet they can only dates other strippers and prostitutes. They want someone they can go home to and just cuddle.

Which reminds me of the original point I was making. My friend’s observation about this culture. Now it might be different for a women’s strip club, but the experience I had with the shiny, happy men was that the audience was there more for the novelty of being in a strip club than actually being turned on. They were there to fill a void, or to say they’ve been to a strip club, or, for the majority of these women, because they were at bachelorette parties. And in a group of your friends, it’s very awkward to be turned on. In fact, one woman actually was having a good time, and a friend of hers took photographic evidence of that, which now could very well be on the Internet for all the world to see… so not cool.

So my conclusion: Strip clubs — not the place for sexiness. If you’re feeling a void that you think a strip club can solve, you’re in need of love, my friend. And, if you have love, don’t go to a strip club. Come to an improv class.

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17 Responses to "Field Trip to the Strip Club"

I could say so many things and perhaps later i will but for now the most confounding this about this is: why is it tagged “real estate” and a little less confounding “solutions”?

I’m so glad that you nocited that! Thank you.

Solutions, because I solve things (somehow), and as for real estate… okay, there’s no justifying that, except that I’m sure more people search the term “real estate” than “sexy,” and, you know, I just want to get hits!

Lauren what a great post! very deep and some nice self promo at the end 🙂

Lauren, I agree entirely. The first few times I went to a strip club (i.e. when I turned 19) I found it sexy – but now that the novelty’s worn off, I find strippers incredibly fake, and the whole experience to be generally BORING. I know some guys can suspend disbelief and convince themselves that the experience that they’re having with the dancers is a genuine connection; all I know is the last time I was in a strip club I got so bored I started surfing the web on my phone!

Somehow, none of this surprises me, fellow geek. 😛

LOVE IT! *nerdery* The few times I’ve been to a strip club (mostly in Windsor), I’ve either ended up talking politics/philosophy/psychology with the people around me, or even the strippers themselves. Its not too surprising since most of the strippers [at least in Windsor] are University/College students trying to make a living, and strip clubs end up paying for a lot of their tuition fees.

But I agree with you, it can be a bit boring (except when they’re doing their spiderman thing…its like something from cirque de soleil)

Jenny: It’s funny because when I wrote the post, I was in no way thinking that this would lead to me promoting improv. But by the end, I realized… yes, the world needs more improv love. And that just needs to be said.

Sam: I’m a little sick and tired of the way sex is being sold in our culture, as if it’s a product disassociated with anything else. Naked bodies are being used to sell clothes, for crying out loud! If sex is a product, it’s very cheap and kind of dirty. Not dirty like sinful or even intriguing; dirty like polluted from being on a smog-covered billboard or a torn magazine page blowing in the wind on a street corner. Not treasured or held in any kind of reverence or awe whatsoever.

Lauren: If you think sex is commodified in Toronto, wait till you visit California. Apart from the new-age hippies who practice Tantra and all that stuff, your average San Franciscan male in his 20s will spend his weekends at the bars, where he will intentionally behave like a total douchebag, since the women around here have been trained to believe that that’s an attractive quality. He will then go home with the woman, and they will likely never speak again – though they may meet up randomly another time, at another bar, and go through the motions of empty sex once again.

Not that one-night-stands don’t exist in Toronto – but here it really feels like this shallow pick-up culture has totally pervaded society to the point where it seems like everyone is trying to act like they’re in their favorite Snoop Dogg video.

Actually behaving like a douchebag is an attractive quality, in the strict sense of the word. it’s not a good quality but it is one that attracts. If women were trained by anyone to find it attractive it’s nature. They look for bad boys to reproduce with so their kids will be tough and then they look for nice guys to help raise them. This is not my opinion, I wish i could say thte opposite, it’s science. See here: http://www.newscientist.com/article/mg19826614.100-bad-guys-really-do-get-the-most-girls.html

Lauren: I’m still going to try and post the rest of my thoughts on this when i get somemore free time.

My own experiences on this topic suggest that women aren’t attracted to the ‘douchebaggery’ but more-so the lack of ‘sucking up’. I think there are three qualities that ‘douchebags’ exert that makes them successful with women *off the top of my head*:

1. A woman will get a number of compliments in any given week from any number of guys, so the person who doesn’t compliment her, or doesn’t even seem phased by her appearance stands out. That’s attractive.

2. Then there’s the thought that the guy is playfully teasing her, making fun of her etc, instead of constantly sucking up to her. Playful teases, flirting etc is not only fun, but it creates sexual tension. This too is attractive.

3. Finally, an exertion of “masculinity” (I use the word loosely) and NOT being ashamed of being a man is sexy. The guy who can proudly proclaim that he loves women, loves sex, etc, comes off more attractive than the man who tries to downplay those qualities as if they are BAD things.

All of this translates to a man who stands out, is confident, and will challenge the woman. I believe its a mix of these (amongst a few other factors) that make ‘jerks’ succeed with women. My own experiences having watched people in nightclubs/bars/strip clubs, suggests that real douchebag by my definition (a man who truly puts down women in a degrading, offensive manner) doesn’t actually succeed too often with women.

And now, from someone who has never been to a strip club, I’ll tell you how I see it. I believe that strip clubs are a representation of instant gratification, so if you want some instant eye candy, then by all means, go there. You might find it amusing, or you might not. It’s a business, and I’m certain that men are far more likely to pay to see strippers than women are, hence the disproportinate ratio of women to men in this business. The key word is business here, and fairness in this case is irrelevant.

And yes, I agree—if you are looking for love, then strip clubs are not the place. They fill a void, a temporary one, and if that’s what you need, go for it.

Sam, JG, not to start an argument, but could you please tone down the women-bashing? I personally know the girls commenting on this site and none of them are as what you describe. I don’t know how old you are, but please don’t turn into bitter old men, it’s such a waste.
Sam, you said “the first few times” you went to a strip club… so you still go? your actions are what helps perpetuate the cheap sex culture we live in.
Re women having been trained to believe douche-like behaviour is attractive… I am sorry you don’t have a sufficient number of classy women around you to convince you otherwise. I hope this is not how you talk in person because if you do you’ll just scare the good ones away.

Like I said, what I said is not my opinion. Its just data i’ve read and hear in various studies. I’ve also seen it happen. It is also explainable by the theory of natural selection.

Don’t worry it doesn’t effect my opinion of women. I know I can’t treat people like statistics. Everyone is different and they all deserve a fair chance. I know the women who post here too, except you, and I know they don’t conform to the statistic.

Sam: A sad trend, but I don’t disbelieve it. Ahh, our culture!

JG: I hope your findings are wrong. And, in fact, they could be specific to those experiments, so I’m not too too worried.

Janet: That’s exactly what makes me sad. Seeing a naked body is a business. Not a right, not a privilege, not connected to love or whatever. But somebody’s makin’ some moolah. Is that what the necessities of life boil down to? A monetary transaction?

Jenny: I love your phrase, “bitter old men,” in response to these guys. Don’t worry, though–I know them personally, and they are sweethearts, not at all as you would imagine based on the topic they’re commenting on. I think that women like you, me and Janet are the awesome-sauce that men SHOULD be spending time with, but may-haps Sam is surrounded by bad influences in his current Californian lifestyle… n’est pas? Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll grow out of it.

;P to all.

“The few times I’ve been to a strip club, I’ve either ended up talking politics/philosophy/psychology with the people around me, or even the strippers themselves.”

You would, Terminus! I would completely expect that to happen with you.

Now let’s not get too far into stereotyping women here. Every femme is different, just as every person has her own fetishes and preferences. There are some common attractive qualities that go for both genders, such as confidence, physical contact, a connection (such as through a compliment, eye contact, shared opinion or experience), and of course being nice and generally appealing. (I would say something like smelling or looking good, but I have never made much effort in either direction, and men still find my smelly and frumpy skillz hawt.) But every person comes with her own bags and prejudices. Some are into nerds (ahem!), some like the shy, quiet types, and one person’s forward and confident is another’s pushy and aggressive.

Come to think of it… Most of the things that women/men find attractive can be learned from improv. Perhaps I should put together a special “Improv into Sexiness” workshop? (Would it be arrogant to say, anyone who’s ever met me would say I could teach a thing or two on the topic? Wait a minute. Looking at the title of my blog–I have nothing against arrogance! Or should I say… Confidence!)

And how’s THAT for a comment written entirely on my phone, because internet power is out in my house!

Absolutely! I suppose I should always preface everything I say with “Anything I say refers to SOME, but not ALL people” heh.

I think the Improv into Sexiness is a WONDERFUL idea. It’s an excellent start for people to practice some of the things they’d like to be projecting. For me, I had to unlearn a lot of my bad habits around people, and learn some good ones to replace them, and the one time I came out to improv was an excellent gauge of some of those things (plus it was a lot of fun. Hell, improv is just one big chance to boost your own confidence (and yes, that was a shameless promotion of your services, do I get compensation for advertising? :P)

I would give you compensation for awesomeness, but if I started offering that to people, I would go broke very quickly!

You should come for improv again! Especially now that you’re off for the summer. Bring Wayne and the whole gang back again!

By the way… Is anyone else into this Improv into Sexiness idea? Because I WILL put it together if there are enough takers, and there will be HOT coming out of your every pore!

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