The Most Interesting Person in the World

Funnouncements!

Posted on: April 23, 2010

Every time I hear the System Voice of the TTC  announce a delay at St. George or that women riding alone at night can get off wherever they want, I half-expect it to end with, “…and thank you for riding Paramount Canada’s Wonderland.” Did I mention, especially when the Spadina streetcar is leaving the station, that I like to pretend I’m riding a roller coaster? Sometimes it really does feel like the slow climb up to the top of the hill, and my blood pumps with anticipation of the free fall about to happen. Instead, the vehicle comes to a complete stop, but I’m excited nonetheless.

The TTC should really throw in some fun announcements, just to shake things up. Here are a few of my suggestions:

“Hello, and welcome aboard the Toronto Transit Commission. Please keep all arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times. Women who are pregnant and men with a pacemaker ride at your own risk. If you feel the need to hurl, please ask the vehicle driver for a vomit bag. We hope you enjoy your day at Theme Park Toronto, and thank you for choosing the TTC.”

“Ladies and gentlemen, there is no need for alarm. This announcement is just to let you know that due to a limited power outage last night, there have been some escapes from a mental institution, jail, and zoo located around the corner. Just be aware as you ride today, that if you feel the need to report an insane and dangerous zebra sitting across from you… we already know. Thank you, and have a nice day.”

“Hello TTC rider. Do not be alarmed if you see passengers with blue flashing ears, or who are talking to themselves, reading their palm, emitting music from their ears, or picking their nose and eating it. Also be aware that anything you say or do may end up on the Internet within the time that it takes you to say or do it. Thank you. This is a recording.”

“Ladies and gentlemen… Are you with a loved one? Is there a confession you have always wanted to make? Do you have any last thing you have always wanted to hear from another person before you die? Please engage now. Life is short.”

“Hello, Toronto citizens! The weather may be snowy or forecast above ground… but down here, it’s a Caribbean paradise! Please enjoy this calypso music!”

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2 Responses to "Funnouncements!"

Lauren, remember what I said about our next project? THIS is exactly the stuff that needs to appear in it.

I also enjoy calypso music.

Just wanted to put that in there, since a few people, who were too shy to comment here, all said the same thing: calypso music on the TTC would be very amusing.

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