Four Days Ago, in a foreign land, I wrote this. My life has not been the same since.
Posted March 4, 2012on:
For years I’ve been doing work that was fun, but I thought had no benefit.
People would tell me that what I did boosts people’s confidence and morale; that I make people laugh and forget their worries; that I make people comfortable and help them meet others.
I always thought – what a useless skill! Can’t people get that on their own? Why would anybody need me for that? Why can’t I heal people from gunshot wounds or something? That takes an expert; what I do, people can figure out on their own.
Now I am alone in a foreign country, disorganised and confused, slated to perform for an audience of probably zero, and all my skills fail me. My confidence is shot. I have no morale. I am awkward instead of confident, alienating everyone I meet, driving away networking opportunities and crushing every possibility of having a vacation fling. I’ve been unable to get outside my own head, to stop worrying and start enjoying, lost the art of having fun or being fun to be around. I’m now terrible at my job, counterproductive at everything I do, and worst of all… I’m losing faith in myself and my abilities.
I have reached the point where I so desperately want my mojo back… I would pay someone to help me!
I’ve been looking (and failing to find) just the right book, magazine or movie to put me in the right frame of mind.
If only there were someone who could truly put me at ease, make me laugh at myself and the world around me, make me feel useful again and know my place in the world. Someone to give me the ability to pick myself up after a failure, the confidence to approach a stranger, the charm to impress a producer, the buoyancy to make friends in a foreign land, the chutzpah to grab someone and kiss him! To have that ability again – what wouldn’t I do?
To my surprise, not only would I pay whatever it costs, but I wouldn’t feel shame in doing that. And I wouldn’t judge someone else for paying to feel like themselves again.
Who can I turn to in a time like this? I guess it’s high time the cobbler actually has some good shoes. I need to tell myself, probably for the first time in my life – what you do does have value! It does make a contribution to the world. Now don’t ever forget it, because I never want to see another person lose their mojo and feel like this again. Never stop being charming, because there are people in this world who need that!